Welcome Back

So I've been gone from the blog world for a while but I think it's time I show an appearance once again. It's officially spring time and you know what that means....change. Change for the good and possibly the bad. Life has had it's up and and downs these past 2 months, but overall I'm still blessed beyond measure. I have an amazing family and friends who are always there for me regardless of the situation. I'm starting to become even more independent from my mom and I'm also learning how to do things for myself. I use to always value what other people said, which had a effect on me and my relationships as well. I realizing to do what I want to do, not what other people THINK I should do. If I'm happy, then I'm happy. If I'm over something, then I'm over it. I value the opinions of my friends, however, when it all comes down to it, its what Tamara wants to do. The question now is, what do I want to do??????

2010 Goals

Happy New Years!! It's a new year and instead of writing all these resolutions that I know will never get done, I rather set goals for myself this year...

1. Higher GPA- 3.4 was good last semester but I want to do better
2. Independence- I wanna become completely independent and take some of the load off my mother...it's time
3. Realistic- I want to stop always thinking of the bad and the good and just focus on what's real
4. Friendship- It's time that I distinguish between the friendship that I treasure and the one's that have no relevance anymore
5. Relationships- It's time that I figure out how comfortable I am with definition of "us" that has been create

These 5 main goals for the year is enough to keep me focus and busy. I kind of have an idea of how I want to go about thing, whether they fall into place is up to God and partially me. Only time can tell and of course I will keep you guys updated :-)

No Rewind Button

The one problem I continue to fast with myself is the ability to let go, for good! When things don't go right with certain people, particularly guys, I'll let them go for the moment, but I always seem to find one reason why I should give them another shot. Why do I do this?? Why do I always continue to go back to the one thing that use to hurt me. They say the same thing over and over again, "I've changed" or " I've realize how much I need you". It's the same old same old every time, and what do I do, I fall for it. Not this time. I let you go for a reason. It's time that I leave past things in the past. Stop rewinding and just push forward. Ladies, we always seem to have sympathy for the past, but it's just that, the past. Staying stuck in the past will only cripple you from enjoying what could be coming to you in the future. Ladies remember, If it isn't part of your present, there is no need in trying to bring it to your future.

No Hard Feelings

When your so comfortable with someone, it's hard to let them go. The person you confide and rely on for your needs sometimes aren't always what's best for you at this moment in time. Instead of holding on to something that isn't there anymore, I rather just walk away from it. Walk away with no hate, no spite, no hard feelings...but instead with memories. Good times we had together, good times playing together, and good times just enjoying each others company. No one is to blame for this but time. Time to move on. Time to just explore something new. Life's too short to just be sitting there stuck. If it isn't going anywhere, move on. There is nothing wrong with still being cool and still hanging out, but the thought of you and me has disintegrated. There is no more. And I'm find with that. So thanks for the memories and the time we had, no hard feelings, it's just that time.

And I'm Back

So since my last blog, things have change. Me and him went through our hate period and ended up talking it out and we're fine. I enjoy his company and hanging out with him, but what happened has taught me to always protect my heart and that's what I'm doing. School has become really stressful. All this work that I am getting, will it ever end?!?! I started back working at my job and I like it so far. I can tell the boys there are going to be drama because there are a lot of girls there that have claims on them. I don't care. I'm not there to make friends and book dudes. I'm all about the paper and that's all the care about. I met this guy whose pretty cool there, but I refuse to give him my number only cuz I don't kno too much about him and what his deal is. For the most point guys, I'm pretty much staying to myself, it keeps me chill, drama-free, and away from getting hurt. Some may say that's a unhealthy way to live, but it's working fine for me. I'm having fun and enjoying life with my guard up at the same time.

So Far Gone

So I've been busy with school to really blog but too much has been going on in my life that I need to just vent. Since I'm too furious to ever say this to his face without saying something I will later in life regret, I rather just write them down here....

When it all comes down to it, you've changed. The guy I once enjoyed spending time with and talking to is now a big shot wannabe. Yea I said it, wannabe. I don't know what your trying to be, but it's not you. Trust I know. You don't answer your phone, your rude, you don't care about anything, your lazy. Who are you?!?! Do you even know? You can't even hold a conversation with me. You claim "I'm crazy and won't understand" but in all reality, your just scared. Scared that you actually liked me and was falling for me. Scared that perhaps I was actually a good catch. I never nagged you, accused you of anything. I always let you do YOU, and that you couldn't handle. I was the girl that you always tweeted about, the ideal girl that you wanted. You had her and what did you do, run away. SMH such a typical boy. And the sad thing about it, you couldn't even be a man about it and say it to my face how you felt. Instead, you hid behind your lies, games, and this new "you." I see you moving on up and got your own spot now and your boys are always around and he got your new little crew of friends, but are they worth it all. Worth the lies and deceit that you gave me? Worth the pain and anger you given me since we've been back here. They must really have a big effect on you, considering how they've change the "old you". The you I enjoyed talking to, chilling with, watching movies with. The you that was generally a good person. I've told you from day one, I'm not like other girls and you never understood what I meant. I still see till this day that you don't get me. Why? Because you ran and told my friend how you felt but was scared to tell me because "I'm crazy". PLEASE! You couldn't tell me because you didn't have the balls to. Either that or you just don't care. But it's ok. Unlike other girls, I don't keep fighting on for someone that's not worth it. Your just a stepping stone for another one. Yea the time we shared was good, but best believe it can be replace and it did, the next day.

You can call me bitter, crazy, or whatever you want. In all reality, I'm right. I'm not even the only one to notice, but since I once cared about you, I don't mind telling you about yourself. With me writing this I can assure that I have put you and all the memories of us behind me and have officially moved on :-)

21 Questions

1.) If I was sick, would you take care of me?

2.) If I had a bad day, could I count on you to put a smile on my face?

3.) If I was lonely, would you stay the night with me?

4.) If I saw you with your boys, would you acknowledge me?

5.) Would you even give me a hug? Maybe a kiss?

6.) If someone asked you about me, would you claim me?

7.) Should I even be claiming you?

8.) Is this all about sex?

9.) Do I ask for too much?

10.) Do I take us more serious than you?

11.) Should I be moving on?

12.) Will we ever go on a date?

13.) Am I holding on to false hopes and dreams?

14.) Is this as far as it's going to go?

15.) Am I asking for too much from you?

16.) Am I the only one?

17.) Am I more into this than you?

18.) Is it safe to be all about you?

19.) Am I over exaggerating?

20.) Do I put in more than you do?

21.) If I ever needed you for something, could I count on you?

If only these questions could be answered, NO BULLSHIT, strictly correct, I could move forward with my life, knowing what was really going on.