Something's Missing

Summer has been in full effect since I've been home. Parties, cookouts, get together, etc. things have been pretty nice. I can already tell this summer is just bout to be to the one that has all the memories. With me and my P.I.C. (that's Morgan for all of y'all slow people), anything is possible. But yesterday I realize something, I have been so busy trying to make sure that I am doing something at all times, because I didn't want to think about HIM. I've been having so much fun meeting new people, doing new things that something still didn't feel right about all of it. Now let me explain myself before people get it twisted. We've been home from school for about 3 weeks now, so isn't it too soon to miss someone?? This week I swear everything started to remind me of him! Songs, ESPN Sport center, and these little poppers I got for him at the beach. I was telling Morgan that I don't want to spend my whole summer just thinking about how much I miss him and don't have fun because I'm sure he probably isn't doing the same. Not saying he don't miss me, but he's just not the one to show it like that. I don't know how much longer I can go without seeing him, I barely here his voice, but I guess I have no choice. I will just have to continue to make the best out of my summer with Him here with me :-/

Home Alone

So Summer officially started for me this week and I must say I am impressed with the way things are going. Fun time back home at LOVE (we partied like the VIP we are), fun time stunting around PG county, and Fun time just chilling with friends. I cant tell already from this week that this summer is going to be about meeting new people and just stepping my game up on a lot of things. Although the summer is getting off to a good start, I can't say the same for being at home. Things just aren't the same. Little sister is just too grown, and doing the most! I know I wasn't like her growing up. Some of the things she say and do just never make sense to me. I guess that's just part of growing up. Mom dukes, I don't even know what's really good with her. I'm trying so hard to be respectful to her because at the end of the day she is my mom, but sometimes she just isn't reasonable.

I don't get it. I feel like we go through this every time I come home for a break. I've been aways for months on my own, where you never ask me where I'm going and what I'm doing. Then as soon as I get back home, you question every single move I make. I can see if I was a bad kid that has gotten into some trouble in my time. But I go to school, make good grades, never got in trouble, always working when I come home, respectable to others. What more do you want?!?! I'm almost 20 years old and I feel like sometimes I'm being question as if I'm my little sister. And if only she knew what she was up to!!! It's crazy how my cousin use to always tell me, when you go to college, home doesn't really feel like home anymore. And you know what, I have to agree. Home just doesn't feel the same anymore. I feel like I'm a guest in this house, that's only visiting for a few months.

Now I don't know about other people, but that's just not how I want to live. I wish home and my family could be like my friends back here at home, no matter how far away we are, when we get back together, its just like we never left each other. I know how that's going to happen, but all I know is that things just can't be like this for the next four months!!

History Repeats Itself

I'm starting to second guess a lot of things right now. Did I make the mistake of letting you go?? Did you deserve a second, third, or fourth chance?? How do you know when to give up completely? I've only been home for a few days and already things are getting a little hectic. I know it's summer time and it's time for fun and games, but I don't know about this feeling. Some say I've move on, but why does everything keeps coming back to you. It's not like we can go our separate ways, too many people are involves: friends, family, even feelings. Seeing you interact with my mom and family today and realizing how much of a chemistry we have, got me really thinking. You got her and I got him, but what about us?? I don't know what any of this means, but all I know is that this summer will determine a lot for me.

People Talk

So it's crazy how much I've gone through this semester with this one person, and I have yet to blog about. We'll I've decided that it's the last straw and I need to get this out. When will girls ever learn that your actions reflect on who you are!?!? If your going to do your dirt, do it, and don't be ashamed of it. Don't go around trying to make people believe your innocent, when your going around opening your legs and mouth to any dude that gives you any attention. Come on, we're about to be juniors and you have yet to understand it!! You've witness first had what it's like for dudes to be made cool with a girl, but when she isn't around, slander her name. Why would you want to put your self in that situation?? And if you don't care about yourself, what about the girls you call your "friends". Why do you keep things from them. How can we be your "girls" and you can't even tell us what's going on in your life?? No one wants to be nosy and want to tell you how to control your life,but if you can't talk to your girls, who can you talk to?? Some guy, that you just become "best friends" with? Or better yet, how about a guy that you don't really know but are cool with your friends? You're quick to tell everyone else, but the people that are suppose to have your back, the truth. It's girls like you that really give the rest a bad name. Why would a guy try to bun up a girl, when there are girls running around giving themselves up on the spot?? Why work for something that is already given to you on a silver platter??

Somebody made a good point to me last night. If your going to be done with a person, be done with them. Stop going back and forth with the person, because it starts to make you look like a fake person. And you know what, I have to agree. I'm tired of trying to be nice and try to work things out when I constantly still hear bad things about you! I'm done with it. This summer will be a time for me to reflect on things and get things together, because I know for a fact...I will not go through all the drama that I did with you, next year.

Pretty Wings

So I received a random text message and I felt like I should blog about it. My best friend and I always keep each other updated on new songs that comes out that we both might light. He asked me have I heard Maxwell's new song "Pretty Wings". I just took the time to actually listen to it and I can see why my best friend chose this song for me. It's because it's about us. The song talks about how a guy did his girl wrong and realized that he had to let her go because she deserved better. He wanted her to fly on with her "Pretty Wings". Now the song is beautiful and really nice but when I heard it, it made me feel some type of way. I started thinking about all the good and bad times I had with my best friend, who once was my ex. It's crazy how still certain song's always brings back these past emotions I have for him. Am I over him?? I've had several boyfriends after him but they don't compare to him. Regardless of what happens between me with other guys, I know I can always count on him to be there for me.

Some of my friends, including my family, believes that I have already found the one. I'm not quick to believe that, however, there are signs that he is. No matter what I go there, everything always leads to him. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I hope I will figure it out soon.