Standstill

For the past week I've been feeling really down and out. Nothing traumatic hasn't happen to me so I couldn't figure out what it was for the longest. So yesterday I decided to just take a break from the running around town and having fun to just think about things and life. What better time to do this then while it is raining and storming. After a few hours of contemplating and thinking, I realize that my unhappiness relies on the situation with HIM. I'm not about to sugar coat or fake like everything is fine with us because it's not. It's crazy how much I thought that I missed him when it fact it was just the thought of "US" that I was really missing. Since we've been home, things are no where better or the same. It's just gotten worse. We don't talk at all! By at all I mean I send him a few text here and there but it doesn't feel the same. I even sent him a letter telling him how I felt and what I thought about things and all I got back was "I understand" in shorter words. This isn't how I picture the summer to be for us. I knew the distance was going to take a toll and I knew that relationships or whatever you want to call it don't really last during the summer but damn it's just been a month! I mean don't you think I deserve an explanation as to what's really good, whether it's a "Tamara, I think we should just chill and move on to other people" or "Hey, I know we don't talk everyday, but I'm thinking about you". Just like how guys talk about they're not mind readers, neither am I. You complain about how I show too much emotion when the case is that you don't show none. How will I ever know what's really good if you do speak up and tell me??

Last night I really kept contemplating what I should do about the situation. Let him go completely or just chill and just see how things go. So I decided to do a Pros and Cons list of things about him and the situation and I must say that there were more things on the Cons list than the Pros. With that the solution would've been obvious, let him go. But one thing on the Pros just outweigh everything on the Cons...the way I feel about him. Feelings I've developed for him over a year now can't just up and leave like that. I mean eventually I will have to get over him because all good things don't last forever. But right now I don't think I am ready to. But for some reason I feel like I have not choice. I don't know, I guess you can say I'm at a standstill point right now....